“We’re motivated by our feelings. We’re inspired by our emotions.” — Dr. Paula Smith Many of us walk around in a world addicted to vibes, running red lights emotionally, and then acting shocked when we have crashed into a situation with consequences. Most people don’t know the difference between feelings and emotions — and the results show. Broken relationships.…
Affairs today manifest in more insidious forms than tête-à-têtes with cryptic strangers. In our digital age, the temptation to emotionally or physically stray often begins benignly online. Messaging a friendly ex on social media. Text chemistry with an alluring coworker. The anonymity and accessibility that the internet provides lets flirtation escalate without anyone leaving home.…
When someone gives an ultimatum in the relational context it is a demand that one person makes to another for that person to “do something” or “not do something.” An ultimatum has a consequence that is implied. When we make demands of our partners, they almost always fail. It is an attempt to try and…
Do you sometimes have trouble seeing how your behavior impacts others? Do you rage at your partner and after you calm down apologize and brush it off by saying, “That was my alcoholic/addict behavior?” Do you have trouble communicating your fears, disappointments and desires to your partner? Do you obsess about your ex-partner’s and your…
We all come into relationships with two opposing fears: the fear of being abandoned, and the fear of getting too close or intimacy. These fears will get triggered when our relationship becomes more involved or we make a commitment. The closer and more intimate we become, the higher the stakes. We not only become afraid…
The purpose of romantic love is to bond us with another so that we begin to experience the inevitable tension of the power struggle … and stay committed to the process of healing and growth. A relationship that is going through a power struggle is, in a sense, like a house divided against itself. It…
There is almost no bigger challenge in recovery than being married or in a committed relationship. I say this having worked in the field of mental health and addiction recovery for many years. During that time I have come across hundreds of recovering addicts and non-alcoholics who have struggled to maintain a loving relationship. From…