Effective communication is essential to a good relationship. Good communication skills may not solve problems or resolve issues, but no problem can be solved or issues cannot be resolved without them.

In Imago Relationship Therapy, couples learn the language of of relationships and intimacy and how to talk and listen using the Imago Intentional Couples Dialogue.  Intentional is a very important word. To be intentional we need to be conscious of our impact so we can create connection rather than disconnection. We often don’t realize how little we are listening to our partners, but are listening to our own internal response. Dialogue carries the prefix that means two. This means there are two distinct people in an Intentional Dialogue.  One of the purposes of this skill is to help us encounter each other and make space for both partners to exist.

The word “relationship” implies that there are two people. There can’t be a working relationship where one person is present and other other is invisible.  

The Intentional Dialogue makes is safe enough for couples to encounter each other and to learn that there can be two different realities and no one dies.  It also helps couples have the experience that another person’s point of view, even if it’s 180 degrees from ours, can be interesting rather than threatening.  There is no reason to feel scared of another person’s point of view if we realize that both can exist. We only get scared and fight to be right if we think that accepting someone’s different view makes our view disappear.

The Intentional Dialogue has three steps: Mirroring, Validation and Empathy. Practicing these steps will feel awkward at first as well as difficult. But as you practice, the lines between each step slowly dissolve and you move from practicing Dialogue to become Dialogic. Being committed to becoming dialogic is the most important element in creating a conscious partnership. It means putting your relationship first. All Imago process are grounded in Dialogue. Dialogue helps you understand the unique inner world of our partner.  We learn how their world works for them and we move toward becoming a “we” rather than two individuals in conflict.

Another reason the Intentional Dialogue is helpful, is that it slows us down and helps us actually hear what our partner is saying. So often in a conversation when our partner is talking we are already rehearsing what we are going to say and we rarely really hear what they are saying or what they mean.

Finally, our evolutionary survival directive is to have a sense of belonging.  When we can engage in the Intentional Dialogue we create for each other a safe sanctuary where we can grow into who we have always been.