For those couples so eager to call it quits and throw in the towel on your relationship because everything isn’t ‘perfect’… here is some food for thought. Lifelong commitment is not what most people think it is. It’s not waking up every morning to make breakfast and eat together. It’s not cuddling in bed until both of you fall asleep. It’s not a clean home filled with laughter and love making every day.
It’s someone who steals all the covers and snores, it’s slammed doors and a few harsh words at times.
It’s stubbornly disagreeing and giving each other the silent treatment until your hearts heal, and then forgiveness.
It’s coming home to the same person every day that you know loves and cares about you in spite of, and because of, who you are.
It’s laughing about the one time you accidentally did something stupid.
It’s about dirty laundry and unmade beds.
It’s about helping each other with the hard work of life.
It’s about swallowing the nagging words instead of saying them out loud.
It’s about eating the easiest meal you can make and sitting down together at a late hour because you both had a crazy day.
It’s when you have an emotional breakdown and your love lays down with you and holds you, and tells you everything is going to be okay. And you believe them.
It’s about still loving someone even though sometimes they make you absolutely insane.
Loving someone isn’t always easy, sometimes it’s hard. But, it is amazing and comforting and one of the best things you will ever experience.
Discernment Counseling
Discernment counseling can be as brief as one session and as long as five sessions. You decide each time whether to come back for a subsequent session. The sessions are usually 1.5- 2 hours. It is distinguished from “closure therapy” as it is not intended to help one of the partners accept their partner’s final decision to divorce. It is also not recommended for anyone coerced to come in or if there is a history of violence in the relationship.
This counseling has been found to be immensely useful in future relationships even if the marriage ends. It is also proven to help couples truly be more cooperative with each other in the divorce process if that is the chosen path. We must consider that divorce is a decision with far-reaching impacts, even into future generations. Discernment counseling can help a couple carefully and consciously decide their next step in regards to their marriage.
Treatment Goals
The goal of this treatment is for the couple to gain greater clarity and confidence in their decision making about whether to divorce or reconcile. The sessions are to explore specific topics relevant to three paths under consideration: (1) stay married as it has been, (2) move towards separation and divorce or (3) agree on a 6 month reconciliation period with an all-out effort in therapy. Couples meet in the counseling sessions for a portion together and also one on one with the therapist. This is done so that each individual has time to work on their own goals. Discussion in the “couple time” is limited and will include prepared and well thought out comments to state to their partner. The crux of this will be about each partner’s personal agenda for change. It is deeply important that each person begins to see his/her own contributions to the relationship problems as well as the possible solutions.