Fighting in a marriage or relationship is really “hurting ‘em till they love you.” It never works.

•Safety first, connection second, thoughts and ideas third. 

•Love and Threat can never co-exist. Never! Stop trying to earn love while using or encouraging threat.

•All people make sense all of the time. (I had to grow into this one)

•Up to age 8 you are entitled to everything. After that, you are lucky to get oxygen. Adults are not entitled to anything. Learn to earn what you want.

• “Feel that … and “feel like” … are not about feelings.  They are really thoughts.

•Words have no meaning. People have meaning. People use words.

•The word should is a believe system a rule. It means someone is trying to push their believe on someone else. 

•Shake it off, stomp it down, rise to the next level.

•Listening to a Human speak is looking in on at their validity.

•Pushing and persuading is a form of invalidation.

•Avoiders/Isolators understand Contact or Connecting with others as Conflict.

•It takes one person to make a marriage; two to make a divorce.

•All people are doing their best at any given moment.

•Patience is a trait of adults. Impatience makes you appear childish.

•All conversation can proceed at the speed of the slowest person present.

•If you fell in love you are at the same dysfunctional level — equally nuts!

•History is a safety net, based on the idea that on some day someone really knew what was going on, and history is used to keep us from falling into the mystery of life.

•A relationship is a participative mystique – we are all involved, but no one knows what is really going on.

•The only one who will keep you away from your last Imago Match (i.e., doing relationship work), is the next one.

**Adapted from Al Turtle, 2009.