Because trying to gain power over someone is so common in our culture, it’s important for folks to educate themselves about the Power Struggle in marriage and relationships. Power Struggles and getting stuck them is the disease of the disease in marriages and committed relationships.
A power struggle is inevitable when we stop listening to each other. Power struggles intensify when we truly do not want to hear our partner’s reality because it feels threatening to us.
Confusion and misunderstanding ensues when we do not know how to … or take take full responsibility for making ourselves understood. The defining characteristic of the power struggle is the “battle” over the “truth” or over “reality.”
During the power struggle, we can slip into a complacent, unrealistic expectation that our partner should be able to read our mind and heart’s desire, or we feel entitled. After all, if s/he really loves me – why would that not be second nature?
Confusion, intense hurt, and loneliness can set in when we are unable to work through the power struggle effectively. Our emotions hold history and they can be powerful. Out of fear, we run from the very intimacy and feeling of safety we long for.
During the power struggle, we may exit emotionally, putting our energy into careers, the kids, hobbies, the PTA, the internet, pornography, affairs, hobbies, volunteering, athletic pursuits, drinking, drugging, friends, or extended family. If we shift away from the most important person in our life, our primary love relationship, then we remove the opportunity for nurturing and connection to have thriving relationship. When we do, this is likely to prove fatal to the relationship. Either way, we are painfully fractured.
Does this describe the relationship you’re currently in? Would you like to restore some of the passion and intimacy you once had? Perhaps you need to rebuild from the ground up. Or, are you an individual looking to find the love of your life and do not want to repeat past mistakes? Whatever your situation, Imago can bring clarity while equipping you for the journey in healing and growth. The skills and tools available through Imago support individuals and couples in learning how to deeply and authentically thrive in love relationship.