For me, I liked that association. I felt good about being considered brave. Still, if you are someone who thrives on the feeling of conquest, if you enjoy the hunt, feel seduced by achievement, if you are an adrenaline junkie, thrive under pressure, you’re likely burning more toxic energy than you think (or feel). You won’t be able to sustain this pace and fuel source endlessly. Sure you can white knuckle it for a while. But eventually, you will burn out or your vessel will breakdown.
In fact, a lot of the psychological symptoms that come through my door are actually more related to the fact that we have become so intolerant of our feelings, especially the ones that we deem bad or too intense. Often the very parts of our personality we are most wedded to are derivatives of fear. And most of the time, because of the power of the unconscious, people (particularly adults) are completely unaware of how these dynamics operate in their life.
Fear holds a special place in this ranking, because it is so primal and because it is so bold. But here’s the thing–If we want to liberate ourselves from the patterns that bind us in directions that no longer serves our best selves, we must navigate towards those feelings.
Then you must sit with yourself.
You must listen to yourself.
You must tolerate within yourself a certain degree of discomfort.
No challenge, no change.
That’s how this works.
Any person, program, book, or course that promises you growth and evolution, without the need to develop the capacity to tolerate a diverse emotional landscape (emotional pluralism)—and that means pain, hurt, grief, sadness, anger, and yes, even fear—is selling you a bunch of bullshit.
There, I said it.
Don’t regulate your experience with false positivity or forced gratitude.
Just be.
Do that for a month.
Every. Single. Day.
Please don’t tell yourself you can’t find the time. It’s not lost, so stop looking to find it. I want you to create the time. It’s an action verb for a reason. It takes action to create change.
With gratitude,
Dr. Paula
