We all come into relationships with two opposing fears: the fear of being abandoned, and the fear of getting too close or intimacy.
These fears will get triggered when our relationship becomes more involved or we make a commitment. The closer and more intimate we become, the higher the stakes.
We not only become afraid of losing the other person, we also become afraid of losing our independence, autonomy and individuality.
When this happens, our unconscious mind concocts all kinds of ways to protect us. We might be someone who runs away, or we might be someone who gets clingy.
We may become hypercritical of our partner, which is just another way of keeping them from getting too close to us.
If you’ve had a history of falling in love only to be let down, there’s a good possibility that you haven’t figured out how to balance these two opposing fears.
When we don’t understand the real cause behind our pain, it’s all too easy to point the finger somewhere else. We say, “F*uck this relationship!” “Relationships are a sham, they don’t work!” Or “It must be his or her fault!”
But blaming your partner or your circumstances puts the cause of your relationship problems “out there” instead of looking within to the real cause.
And unless you face these inner causes and dissolve them, the problems will merely continue.
Watch a video of a couple discussing how they uncovered fears, opened up communication, and brought their marriage from the edge of divorce to a whole new level of intimacy and connection.
Do you have the wrong idea about what makes a relationship last a life time?
Maybe you have the wrong idea about what it takes to stay together. Instead of growing your intimacy and connection, you’ve been fighting fires and trying to find ways to “fix” your partner.
Now, years later, instead of feeling alive and joyous, there’s an atmosphere of tension and negativity in your relationship.
You feel less like yourself. Your partner isn’t the man or woman they once were, and maybe you’re different too.
You realize that you’ve settled into a pattern of compromise, avoidance, and compliance.
This is no one’s fault. Remember: It’s not about not having conflict. It’s about turning conflict into connection, so you can grow your love for each other. Click here and find out how.
Love in Connection,
Paula
