Affairs today manifest in more insidious forms than tête-à-têtes with cryptic strangers. In our digital age, the temptation to emotionally or physically stray often begins benignly online. Messaging a friendly ex on social media. Text chemistry with an alluring coworker. The anonymity and accessibility that the internet provides lets flirtation escalate without anyone leaving home.…
Do festering tensions, circular fights, and disconnection leave you feeling your relationship is on the brink? Are you losing hope for a peaceful holiday season together as pressures seem to be mount? The couples intensive weekend is designed to quickly resuscitate and fortify struggling bond before the holidays. Over one or two days, you and…
Women cheat. Let me say it again for the people standing in the back — women cheat. It is an indisputable truth that women engage in infidelity across all types of relationships. The stigma for a cheating woman is higher than for a man. It’s unfair, but it’s a reality. Women cheat for various reasons. Some…
Amid vitriolic societal divides, we’ve lost sight of what matters most in our work – loving clients. How did we get so off track? The blame lies with all of us. As a young therapist, I conformed to modalities valuing compliance over connection, though it never fit my spirit. My own internalized shame led me…
When a Black client walks through the door of a therapist’s office, they do not come alone. Along with them come the spirits and stories of their ancestry, eager to be heard, understood, and honored. The therapist must make space to welcome the traumas of slavery – the severing of tribes, languages, and customs; the…
“You’re strong,” sounds like a compliment until you realize some folks see Black men as an unbreakable force of nature, incapable of experiencing pain, sorrow, fear or disappointment. For generations, White people have crafted myths to justify the exploitation of Black men. For example, when Black people describe their pain, doctors often doubt their experiences…
One of the biggest problems we encounter in relationships involves more than our minds. People tend to think with their feelings and decisions are made from this stance. When people are searching for a resolution to confusion, they will do or say almost anything—even if it is not rational. Therapy provides a window in learning…
When someone gives an ultimatum in the relational context it is a demand that one person makes to another for that person to “do something” or “not do something.” An ultimatum has a consequence that is implied. When we make demands of our partners, they almost always fail. It is an attempt to try and…
In a life filled with visible and invisible struggles, the last place a person wants to exert great effort is—at home. Ironically, if a person does put forth time and energy into his or her home life and marriage, that person can become a safe haven from the inequities, racial harms and pains experienced in the…