Folks, we are living in a polarized era sautéed with suspicion. You and I not only know this, we feel it — everyday. It can be difficult to discern the true from the false, and the energy it takes to do the daily mental calisthenics of fact and motive checking is colossal. While political polarization and divides…
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas. The holiday season has arrived in full force. Front yards now showcase dancing reindeer, inflated Santa’s, twinkling lights and candy canes. As the old year fades into the darkness of winter, rituals—quirky and quaint, strange threads of continuity–create meaning, captivating us with wonder. For some, this may…
Do festering tensions, circular fights, and disconnection leave you feeling your relationship is on the brink? Are you losing hope for a peaceful holiday season together as pressures seem to be mount? The couples intensive weekend is designed to quickly resuscitate and fortify struggling bond before the holidays. Over one or two days, you and…
Amid vitriolic societal divides, we’ve lost sight of what matters most in our work – loving clients. How did we get so off track? The blame lies with all of us. As a young therapist, I conformed to modalities valuing compliance over connection, though it never fit my spirit. My own internalized shame led me…
When a Black client walks through the door of a therapist’s office, they do not come alone. Along with them come the spirits and stories of their ancestry, eager to be heard, understood, and honored. The therapist must make space to welcome the traumas of slavery – the severing of tribes, languages, and customs; the…
“You’re strong,” sounds like a compliment until you realize some folks see Black men as an unbreakable force of nature, incapable of experiencing pain, sorrow, fear or disappointment. For generations, White people have crafted myths to justify the exploitation of Black men. For example, when Black people describe their pain, doctors often doubt their experiences…
One of the biggest problems we encounter in relationships involves more than our minds. People tend to think with their feelings and decisions are made from this stance. When people are searching for a resolution to confusion, they will do or say almost anything—even if it is not rational. Therapy provides a window in learning…
When someone gives an ultimatum in the relational context it is a demand that one person makes to another for that person to “do something” or “not do something.” An ultimatum has a consequence that is implied. When we make demands of our partners, they almost always fail. It is an attempt to try and…
What does it mean to be human? This is a frightening question these days. Wouldn’t it be easier to stay on the surface of things and medicate ourselves rather than deal with stimulation, titillation or unpredictability in relationships; with whatever it is we do that allows the present reality to be produced over and over…