Do you sometimes have trouble seeing how your behavior impacts others? Do you rage at your partner and after you calm down apologize and brush it off by saying, “That was my alcoholic/addict behavior?” Do you have trouble communicating your fears, disappointments and desires to your partner? Do you obsess about your ex-partner’s and your…
The relational paradigm is a shift in thinking. It shifts our perspective from seeing a world made up of things, to seeing a world that is open and made up primarily of relationships. It tells us that a deeper level of reality exist beyond what we can articulate. A place where everything is connected to…
It is ugly! It hurts; it’s toxic; it’s destructive. It threatens our joy and it gets in the way of us deeply connecting with others. When I was gripped by it, I wanted to die because it made me feel that I wasn’t good enough. So for years I was engulfed by it. Men walk…
We all come into relationships with two opposing fears: the fear of being abandoned, and the fear of getting too close or intimacy. These fears will get triggered when our relationship becomes more involved or we make a commitment. The closer and more intimate we become, the higher the stakes. We not only become afraid…
The purpose of romantic love is to bond us with another so that we begin to experience the inevitable tension of the power struggle … and stay committed to the process of healing and growth. A relationship that is going through a power struggle is, in a sense, like a house divided against itself. It…
Hey Friends! I know that loving someone who has walls up is not a careless decision. It takes real commitment to give yourself as the one who takes the first strike at the concrete surrounding someone’s heart. Many of us in recovery are people who have painted over the fragile skin of our hearts with…
There is almost no bigger challenge in recovery than being married or in a committed relationship. I say this having worked in the field of mental health and addiction recovery for many years. During that time I have come across hundreds of recovering addicts and non-alcoholics who have struggled to maintain a loving relationship. From…