Learning how to respect and maintain healthy boundaries in a marriage or committed relationship takes time, constant vigilance and patience—with oneself and with our partner. Expecting each other to be perfect or for habitual patterns to change overnight is magical thinking—it’s not realistic. When we live with someone we are bound to occasionally crossing each…
We adults reenact traumatic episodes from our past just like children reenact them in play therapy. Instead of using dolls and sand trays to re-create the family dramas that harmed us, we use ourselves, our partners/spouses, and our children. The reenactment dramas that we create are unconscious efforts to communicate our hurts, and express buried grief.…
I’ve found myself feeling disturbed over the past week watching the outpouring of outrage about the thousands of immigrant children being separated from their parents at the border from Mexico to the US. And it’s not because the practice isn’t heartbreakingly painful and against all of the values I hold dear and want my country…
We all agree now that the key to lasting relationships is respectful communication. However, the significant role that boundaries or “personal space” plays in discussions, decision-making, fighting, making-up and all other aspects of couples’ lives is not always understood. Physical boundaries are obvious because our bodies are separate from others’ bodies. But emotional, mental and spiritual…
I am grateful and deeply appreciative for all the relationships in my life. The unconditional love, kindness and consistency has supported the vision for my life and career. I have deep gratitude for the man I adopted as my Father 30 years ago; his name is Reggie. Had I not met Reggie, it is possible…
If you are in a love relationship, prepare for the hard truth: at some point the honeymoon … those “in love” feelings will fade away. This because “Romantic” love usually does not last forever. But creating a conscious relationship can. Love relationships are not indestructible. I know because I’ve killed many. We cannot kill a…
When we become passionate about something or someone, we want to hold onto it, tight. We want to super glue ourselves to it and possess it. It doesn’t matter if we are “infatuated” by an object, a habit or a person we the feel excitement and pleasure and we want to take hold of it…
We are all born with the core energy of joyful aliveness with all our brain circuits in place to execute functions such as seeing, listening, talking and movement. There are 4 developmental phases where the brain is optimally prepared to take on certain tasks. There is an optimal window period to achieve these tasks. As…
Many adult survivors of incest/sexual abuse have undergone therapy, perhaps joined support groups and even confronted the perpetrator(s). No matter how much healing we do, it seems that we are never truly healed and the effects of what happened are so deeply embedded in us that they become a part of our core identity. We…
“I think it is better to lose your pride with someone you love, rather than to lose that someone you love with useless pride.” ~John Ruskin When reflecting back, I have seen how often I evoked painful emotions as I sought comfort and solitude in the strange reward of self satisfaction and selfishness, born out…