I am grateful and deeply appreciative for all the relationships in my life. The unconditional love, kindness and consistency has supported the vision for my life and career. I have deep gratitude for the man I adopted as my Father 30 years ago; his name is Reggie. Had I not met Reggie, it is possible that I would not be alive today, and had I managed to stay alive I would not have become a woman of dignity and integrity.
I was 26 years old when I met Reggie; a time when “just staying sober” was not enough to soothe the psychological and emotional pain I was experiencing. However, I didn’t know what to do or what to do with not knowing what to do. Reggie was a therapist, an Addictions Specialist and the best therapist I’ve ever met. He didn’t talk “at” or “down” to me. We did not dwell on my life as an active alcoholic and he always showed great respect.
Over the years, Reggie became a role model for me personally and professionally. I didn’t know a man, especially a Black man who was not only intelligent, but also who lived his life with such deep connectedness, humility, vitality, consistency, integrity, wisdom, gentleness and … unconditional love.
What makes Reggie such an amazing man is that he welcomes ALL human beings without them having to do anything except—BE. It is magnetic and draws people toward him. I heard someone say, “[Reggie] is disarming … man, the dude just makes you drop your guard.” I have witnessed tough, strong, seemingly invulnerable men get within a few feet of Reggie and suddenly drop all their bravado and walk away wondering what the “f*&k just happened?” Yes, he has that affect on human beings. When human-beings are in Reggie’s presence for any length of time, they are transformed. That’s the reason I call him the “Human Whisperer.”
I had been struggling in early recovery and it seemed that everyone had “THE” answer; “Read such and such page in the literature or go to such and such meeting and talk about it, pray about it.” I followed their suggestions and it helped some, but the same issues kept resurfacing; I was still behaving in dysfunctional ways and … my relationships were not changing. Reggie understood my dilemma. He didn’t tell me to read or go ‘do’ anything. He asked me, “What do you want.” Of course, I didn’t know. But his asking the question was enough to open something within so that–I could hear myself.
Growing up, I wasn’t allowed to question anything and felt as though I had to know … before I actually knew. Reggie made it safe to question and with that curiosity I was reunited with a sense of my own unmet needs and thus could explore those needs. It also enabled me to hear and challenge my own internal logic and beliefs, seek counsel and strength from within, acquire the knowledge and methodologies necessary trust what I discovered. Learning that process would become vital and important throughout my life in recovery.
It lead to BREAKING down walls and entering into UNKNOWN territory. Through Reggie’s guidance and wisdom, I discovered answers to my own unanswered questions: “Why do I do what I do?” And therefore I could KNOW for myself. “To thine own self be true.”
At times, what I was discovering was painful and sometimes hilarious. Sometimes we found ourselves laughing hysterically and crying at the same time. Reggie’s genius is guiding folks through their emotional (turmoil) terrain, helping to look at what is buried and heal. The original Reginald, “Human Whisperer.”
Reggie doesn’t see himself as a GURU. Thank goodness! He didn’t work with me from ego. I felt his deep presence and love. He also has a magnificent sense of “timing.” He can reach-in through language, his still-quiet presence, his deep, but gentle tenor of his voice, his facial expression— in between one heart-beat and the next, such that … I have no choice, but to look at and hear mySelf—to wake up to the reality of reality. Yes … the Original Reginald, the “Human Whisperer.”
When someone reaches in that deeply, with their humanity, unconditional love, presence and bears witness to the sense of who we are he strengthens our Personhood and our sense of integrity. It’s humbling. That is Reggie’s gift … his genius! The Original Reginald “Human Whisperer.”
I could go on and on about Reggie, 30 years is a long history and I have many stories about his impact and influence on my life. It is my hope and prayer that I live up to all he has pass on to me. His legacy of recovery, his passion for life and helping others; his sense of aliveness, inspires me with hope as a person and as a therapist. Although I have extensive clinical training and education, I really learned how to be a therapist observing, participating, listening, being curious, being challenged and working with Reggie and his wife Judith. His words: Pass-it-on.
IN HONOR OF REGGIE, I want to pass on one of his latest pearls in honor of Fathers; the men who call themselves Father, the women who are both mother and Father, and to those who have lost their Fathers through death, prison and addiction.
“Life is not about ‘Fear knows.’ Life is about success. Life is about consistency, completion and … completion. Live the questions.”
I love you Reggie. Happy Father’s Day!
Happy Father’s Day to all the Fathers!
