Learning how to respect and maintain healthy boundaries in a marriage or committed relationship takes time, constant vigilance and patience—with oneself and with our partner. Expecting each other to be perfect or for habitual patterns to change overnight is magical thinking—it’s not realistic.
When we live with someone we are bound to occasionally crossing each other’s boundary and trigger old boundary wounds beyond our awareness awaiting healing. The times when we unconsciously cross each other’s boundaries or the boundary of commitment that defines our relationship calls both of us to grow.
When our boundaries are cross we typically throw our hands up in despair and/or reject each other as impossible to live with. Instead of both of us reacting, we can examine the source(s) of our hurtful behavior with compassion and curiosity.
The “Internal Saboteurs” within us will probably react in fear by telling us this work is too difficult or unnecessary.
When we notice the “Saboteur’s” litany of fear-based stories we can remind ourselves that its our internal gatekeeper just trying to keep us way from getting in touch with the sources of our pain. We can quietly thank this part of ourselves for trying to protect us and say, “NO” to the suggestion for us backing away from examining and healing our buried hurts.
To learn more about maintaining healthy boundaries register for my my upcoming Imago Couples Weekend Workshop “Getting the Love You Want” July 28-29, 2018. Couples will observe and practice new skills in the workshop, experience guided imageries, written exercises, communication and FUN activities. Confidentiality is maintained in a safe and comfortable environment. Click to register.
