Hello Friend,
Thirty-years ago my life took a turn that became irrefutably my best chance at living and creating a life that had meaning and purpose.
The skill that I learned didn’t turn into a best-selling novel, a movie, or make me rich and famous. But it did change my life forever and it’s the reason I can love unconditionally, feel loved, safe, valued and sustain a marriage and a life that give me joy and inspiration.
What is the skill?
Trust. Working through trust issues is like walking on broken glass. You just know you’re going to bleed. It takes more time and courage to learn how to trust than we give ourselves the luxury of exercising.
And <trust> me, it’s worth the blood and the effort, if you persist. Learning to trust didn’t come to me through academic research; it came when I decided to stop sabotaging and depriving myself of getting to know people, form friendships and intimate relationships.
Learning to trust my mind and heart in spite of the mountain of pain and trust issues is THE accomplishment of a lifetime, and it is an emotionally demanding process. Letting go, regardless, requires one thing above all else: Taking the risk of being hurt.
How to heal trust so I can live fully?
1. Be willing to risk the pain of learning how to trust.
2. Find a trust partner (a therapist or coach can work, if they understand trust issues).
3. Learn how trust works, i.e., how trust is earned and how to extend it.
4. Take emotional risks with your trust partner.
5. Confront your prejudices about trust, your suspicions, fears and painful emotions around trust as you take these risks.
6. Learn from the process. 7.Rinse and repeating until you can consciously trust and know how to extend trust well.
The key to trusting is not to avoid emotional pain, but to learn how to transform hurt and not let it eat you alive. Since no one is exempt from pain, it is important to aspire to lean into it, to process it thoroughly and learn the appropriate lessons, not the ‘lessons’ that come from fear and avoidance.
It means feeling things fully, shedding tears of grief and loss, and seeing things differently. Then you know that it is possible to feel vulnerable and afraid and have faith that there are people who are worthy of your trust.
Blessings and peace,
Paula M. Smith
Certified Imago Therapist | Personal Growth Practitioner
401-782-7899
