The thing that most people complain about in relationships is the lack of communication. I’m not sure it’s purely a lack of communication. I think what we are really saying is we don’t feel truly known in ways that make us feel cherished, close, connected and seen.
Deep down many of us fear we are alone and that no one will really understand us.
While no one can ever really know all of our innermost feelings and desires, we can be known to a surprisingly wonderful degree if we are willing to take the risk to reveal who we are.
Contrary to the myths, communication isn’t just talking, getting your point across or being sure that you’ve been heard. It is also being receptive, absorbing and listening.
Without listening, talking is a one-side venture.
True communication take courage. It asks us to open our eyes and reach beyond the trivial, surface for deeper truths of who we are, what we feel and to be willing to risk revealing ourselves to another.
True communication also allows us to get inside of each others skin, where the individual boundaries are blurred, and we know from the inside that we have touched the essence of the other.
When talking and listening happens, both partners have the sense that they are connected, they occupy a common ground and they are held in a field above right and wrong … beyond judgement.
These partners are moved, changed, expanded and transformed by what they have heard, and therefore feel safe.
True communication seeks to show more and to know more, rather than defend what is already known. It is a revelation!
So, let me ask you, do you feel known in ways that make you feel connected, close, heard and cherished by your partner?
Seriously … I would love to know.
