Women cheat. Let me say it again for the people standing in the back — women cheat. It is an indisputable truth that women engage in infidelity across all types of relationships. The stigma for a cheating woman is higher than for a man. It’s unfair, but it’s a reality. Women cheat for various reasons. Some…
Amid vitriolic societal divides, we’ve lost sight of what matters most in our work – loving clients. How did we get so off track? The blame lies with all of us. As a young therapist, I conformed to modalities valuing compliance over connection, though it never fit my spirit. My own internalized shame led me…
You learned to suppress your tears. Your understanding of humanity became entwined with a version of masculinity that equated strength with physical prowess, financial responsibility, spatial control, and emotional stoicism akin to a tough steak. Unacknowledged, there was a reason for this type of masculinity. Your performances of toughness served as a shield, deterring potential…
When a Black client walks through the door of a therapist’s office, they do not come alone. Along with them come the spirits and stories of their ancestry, eager to be heard, understood, and honored. The therapist must make space to welcome the traumas of slavery – the severing of tribes, languages, and customs; the…
Let me begin by saying that I use the term “Black” and African American” interchangeably because many African Americans refer to themselves in both ways. Black marriage is in crisis. The marital rates are declining faster for Black couples than for any other group. Why? As an experienced Black therapist specializing in Black relationships, I…
“You’re strong,” sounds like a compliment until you realize some folks see Black men as an unbreakable force of nature, incapable of experiencing pain, sorrow, fear or disappointment. For generations, White people have crafted myths to justify the exploitation of Black men. For example, when Black people describe their pain, doctors often doubt their experiences…
One of the biggest problems we encounter in relationships involves more than our minds. People tend to think with their feelings and decisions are made from this stance. When people are searching for a resolution to confusion, they will do or say almost anything—even if it is not rational. Therapy provides a window in learning…
When someone gives an ultimatum in the relational context it is a demand that one person makes to another for that person to “do something” or “not do something.” An ultimatum has a consequence that is implied. When we make demands of our partners, they almost always fail. It is an attempt to try and…
Interracial marriages and relationships have undergone tremendous growth within the last few decades. Interracial couples regularly navigate their racial reality in ways that are universal for all romantic partners and are in other ways unique and uncharted. In this uncharted territory, interracial couples often find themselves caught in heated arguments centered around race and privilege…