Becoming conscious of your racial identity is a process that cannot be explored in darkness and isolation. In our experience, the process of challenging the myths of white superiority (whiteness) and Black inferiority (Blackness) has tremendous healing effects and the potential to create social equality. A few weeks ago, Paula and I facilitated our first in-person Getting the…
In a life filled with visible and invisible struggles, the last place a person wants to exert great effort is—at home. Ironically, if a person does put forth time and energy into his or her home life and marriage, that person can become a safe haven from the inequities, racial harms and pains experienced in the…
This has been a difficult year. Following the carnage we collectively experienced in 2020, from the health pandemic to a racial reckoning, many of us wanted to believe we could take a deep breath and turn our attention back to the mundanity of daily life. Sadly, this has not been the case. We have found…
Let’s get right to it … It’s not that you’re not happy with them anymore; there is still lots of love, still lots of bliss and passion and comfort in each other’s arms. It’s just that now your happiness needs to make room for something else, as well—a sinister and nameless presence that joins your…
In Imago Relationship Theory, therapists work with the notion that the relationship itself is the therapy. We understand that within the relationship partners may struggle with issues like depression, trauma, anxiety, etc. However our primary focus is on your relationship and the tension within your interactional patterns fueled by each partners defensive adaptations. This paradigm distinguishes Imago-therapy from traditional…
The only way to start is at the beginning. So I am. Last year, my fiancée discovered that I had been unfaithful to her. She called the wedding off and ended our relationship for good. I made no attempts to reconcile. Four months later she shared her story in a post on our wedding website,…
I cheated on my husband at my bachelorette party. To date this was the biggest mistake of my life. I felt anxious before my girlfriends and I had even arrived at the bar. After we sat down, I didn’t sip my drink—I gulped down cocktail after cocktail to take the edge off my uneasiness which was…
Fear is one of our least favorite guests. When fear shows up—and it shows up for all of us—we’re rarely in a position for it. In fact, right now we might be trying to get away from some kind of fear before it arrives—even if we need to vacate the premises—our body. The more we…
Humility We misunderstand this word. I know I did. As a 50-something-year-old adult, I have come to realize that humility is at the root of all growth, learning and kindness. 12-step literature defines humility as “a clear recognition of what and who we really are, followed by a sincere attempt to become what we could be.”…