The word anger comes from the Latin “angere,” means “to strangle.” Defined, anger is a strong sense of displeasure and antagonism that arises when a need isn’t met or an expectation isn’t fulfilled. What typically gets us angry is being treated unfairly, manipulatively or with disrespect, especially if it’s intentional. Also feeling unappreciated, feeling threatened,…
Our society is in the midst of an emotional meltdown. We are restless, irritable, fearful, frustrated and our tempers are about to blow. None of this is how we want our lives to be, but our pressure cooker society has pushed us to the emotional limit. We deserve relief from getting tormented by daily stress. …
The “shadow” is a psychological term for everything we cannot see in ourselves. The shadow side are essential aspects of our personality that we have learned to hide or suppress in order to protect ourselves. I understood how important knowing my shadow was when I began my journey in 12-step recovery and again in my clinical…
There seems to be a common misconception that when we stop drinking and using, out of nowhere we will become these perfect people. Alcoholics and addicts (non-alky’s too) have an inner need for perfection. From time to time in recovery, I hear this thought-process: “I was only bad when I was out there drinking and…
Put yourself in this scenario: your wife leaves you alone in the room while she goes and takes a shower. You’re sitting there doing nothing until you notice it: her cell phone. It’s just sitting there innocently, right next to you. And she’s in the shower, so there’s no chance she’ll walk in. And you’ve…
Do you sometimes have trouble seeing how your behavior impacts others? Do you rage at your partner and after you calm down apologize and brush it off by saying, “That was my alcoholic/addict behavior?” Do you have trouble communicating your fears, disappointments and desires to your partner? Do you obsess about your ex-partner’s and your…
The relational paradigm is a shift in thinking. It shifts our perspective from seeing a world made up of things, to seeing a world that is open and made up primarily of relationships. It tells us that a deeper level of reality exist beyond what we can articulate. A place where everything is connected to…
We all come into relationships with two opposing fears: the fear of being abandoned, and the fear of getting too close or intimacy. These fears will get triggered when our relationship becomes more involved or we make a commitment. The closer and more intimate we become, the higher the stakes. We not only become afraid…
The purpose of romantic love is to bond us with another so that we begin to experience the inevitable tension of the power struggle … and stay committed to the process of healing and growth. A relationship that is going through a power struggle is, in a sense, like a house divided against itself. It…