The “shadow” is a psychological term for everything we cannot see in ourselves. The shadow side are essential aspects of our personality that we have learned to hide or suppress in order to protect ourselves. I understood how important knowing my shadow was when I began my journey in 12-step recovery and again in my clinical…
Merry Christmas Friends! Many times the way forward is to look back, to read and study the wisdom of prophetic leaders whose brilliance opens us to the limitless possibilities and potentialties that reside within and between us. On Christmas day nearly a half-century ago, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. stood before his congregation at Ebenezer…
Relationships are baffling. The baffling part is how we can both love and hate the person we love the most. I remember when Yael and I started dating I was baffled by the strange reversals of some of our dates. I remember the date would start out full of excitement, curiosity and passion and end…
What does it mean to be human? This is a frightening question these days. Wouldn’t it be easier to stay on the surface of things and medicate ourselves rather than deal with stimulation, titillation or unpredictability in relationships; with whatever it is we do that allows the present reality to be produced over and over…
It is ugly! It hurts; it’s toxic; it’s destructive. It threatens our joy and it gets in the way of us deeply connecting with others. When I was gripped by it, I wanted to die because it made me feel that I wasn’t good enough. So for years I was engulfed by it. Men walk…
We all come into relationships with two opposing fears: the fear of being abandoned, and the fear of getting too close or intimacy. These fears will get triggered when our relationship becomes more involved or we make a commitment. The closer and more intimate we become, the higher the stakes. We not only become afraid…
Attempting to take one’s life over a break-up might seem dramatic and perhaps over the top to some people, but if you’re someone who grew up in alcoholism it may not seem that far fetched. Having protected our families by keeping secrets, we continue to act in certain ways to get approval. We take responsibility…
There is almost no bigger challenge in recovery than being married or in a committed relationship. I say this having worked in the field of mental health and addiction recovery for many years. During that time I have come across hundreds of recovering addicts and non-alcoholics who have struggled to maintain a loving relationship. From…