We are the most powerful when we are happy. I don’t think I can focus on this topic too much because if you decide to keep reading and apply some of these practices to your life, you will shift away from the heaviness and agitation that life seems to surround us these days, into joy peace and happiness in love, purpose. This shift requires moving your mind and … moving your feet. Both actions are essential.
Clean Body and Clean Mind
Many of us wake up in the morning, take a bath or a shower and we do this to get yesterday’s dirt off of us. Some of us do some sort of meditative or prayerful practice in the morning because it takes the stress off our minds that we have carried from the day before. Otherwise we will take that stress into the day.
So what good does it do to clean our bodies and not clean our minds especially when our hearts and minds are heavy and stressed from work and/or home life? And … given the level of chaos and the distraction from our world today—most of the time we are not only taking our own upset, insanity and stress into the day ahead, we are also taking the upset, insanity and stress of the world into the day ahead—given how technologically connected we are.
Practicing unconditional love, acceptance and Imago principles daily we become spiritually illuminated through relationship and we feel it when we practice it—when we give daily appreciations, when we pray and meditate, practice Zero Negativity, gratitude and the Imago Dialogue. Now I know some of you who are familiar with Imago may be asking, “Why do we avoid doing Imago everyday?”
The miracle of connection, the miracle of change happens in a Holy instant—the present moment. Contrary to what we think or have experienced our relationships and in life, change happens in the moment. The change process requires a decision: a decision to shift from fear to love. Which is another way of saying a decision to get out of the chaos, get out of the drama (yours and everyone else’s) and tension and move your feet and your mind into co-creating solutions that lead to happiness. This shift requires a mental decision. It does not happen automatically. The first step is deciding.
The Ego and Relationships
When we are struggling, tensed or fearful in our relationships the fear is about our ego. Our ego (which is really our small fearful self) plays out the past or the future (what’s if’s) in real time. When our ego is doing it’s thing, performing on behalf of our fearful self, our true self is covered, trapped by our defenses and that’s the reason the relationship we loved and cherished once upon a time, feels so freakin’ awful. It’s the reason life feels so heavy. Our defenses shut us off from our true self where possibilities exist.
The power struggle (driven by ego) is created and maintained by us and others; by the way, we think and act toward each other. When we are stuck in ego we spin around and around in the chaos and struggle and drama and the outcome is what? A deeper level of struggle, and more agitation and fear and worry and you name it. However, as soon as we give up and surrender to the struggle from a place of forgiveness, unconditional love and acceptance and says something like, “Okay, you might be right. I love you and I trust you.” Guess what? All the struggle and chaos stops.
But that’s not what we do. We think that if we surrender to love and intimacy and life, we may be perceived as weak, as lazy. We may lose out; that our vulnerability will be used against us. We may not get that deal or get that person. Can you see how this is a faulty perception? The move toward peace, love and non-violence is not weak, it’s actually a sign of strength.
But the ego does not want us to surrender into trust and love because that would literally mean the death of the ego. The death of all the posturing, the pretending that everything is okay, pretending our feelings don’t hurt and pretending to be happy. So in essence, the more we struggle the more we avoid love, intimacy and all we desire because the ego keeps our attention focused either on past pain or the possibility of future pain.
Now I’m not saying we cannot focus on the past or the future. But we focus on the past and the future to the extent that our focus has to do with faith, love, forgiveness, right perception or right thinking versus focusing on the past and future with hostility, blame, resentment and criticism. Tactics like these are fueled by our ego.
Finding Our Way Back to Peace and Love in Life and Relationships
In the beginning of love relationships we are drawn to the illusion of love. Then over time, the romance begins to dissipate and we start to feel distant and disconnected from our partner. We may even feel like we are with the wrong person or life has wronged us. When we feel disconnected, we start performing, acting from our pain, woundedness and disappointment, all in an attempt to get back to where we were in the beginning. But the pain that remains our own. In order to move beyond the pain, fear and struggle and into love, peace and joy; here are four key shifts we can make in our thinking:
- Forgiveness – Forgiveness does not turn us into doormats. Forgiveness teaches us to own our “yes” and own our “no” without anger, with dignity, integrity and with love.
- Unconditional Acceptance – To the ego, unconditional acceptance of another human being or whatever is happening in life is outrageous—it’s death to the ego. When we love and accept someone as they are, we miraculously help them improve. Acceptance fosters growth. Telling people what’s wrong with them paralyzes them with shame and guilt. So accept your partner and help him/her to feel good about themselves will help them relax and find their way.
- Behavior – Our behavior isn’t always the issue, it’s the energy that our behavior carries. For example, if I criticize someone in order to change them that’s my ego talking. But if I let go of my judgment, the style of communication will be with love instead of fear and my words won’t carry the energy of attack or defense, rather it will carry the energy of love and support.
- Communication – the key to speaking to each other is not what we say, but the attitude behind what we say. In order for the miracle of connection to happen we must begin to listen to our partner first. When we speak we are to trust that we will know what to say. It is our job when we are communicating to cleanse our minds of our faulty perceptions and assumptions of the other person. And then, from a place within, we will find the power of words or the silence which brings peace to our relationship.
BONUS:)))
- Five minutes of daily Prayer and Meditation – it’s been said that prayer and mediation can lead to an unshakable faith for life.
- Remember to pause and take a breath before reacting, can shift the energy of the outcome.
Practicing these regularly you will have a different nervous system (i.e., become less reactive) than you have because you will be aligning yourself with connection and peace instead of aligning with the ego and struggle.
Whenever there is a time to take relationships from theory to practice is now! If you are curious to see how all this plays out in real time, call or email me at imagopaula@gmail.com or 401-782-7899
Blessings on your relational journey,
Paula
