When we give someone the gift of forgiveness, it allows us to release our hurts and disappointments—having digested our grief about them.
When we forgive, we “give for” ourself and those who hurt us.
We move on, letting go of what harmed or offended us.
Forgiveness does not mean blindly walking back into a situation that hurt us with the person who harmed us and who demonstrates no intention to change. Though we forgive that person, we also keep clear and firm boundaries.
Forgiveness is not blind and it is not simpleminded. It is not an obtuse way of condoning bad behavior. Rather, it is an act of cultivated wisdom and awareness.
True forgiveness is an affirmation that we have unwrapped and unraveled the life lessons hidden at the core of our pain.
Folks who are wise enough to forgive are also wise enough to not allow those who hurt them additional opportunities to repeat their hurtful and damaging behaviors. It’s not a matter of simply saying “no” and letting yourself to continue being violated.
Forgiveness is not stepping back into magical enchantment with someone we can’t trust.
If the person who hurts us is genuinely remorseful, takes responsibility for his/her mistakes and demonstrates—over an extended period of time—that s/he is willing and able to make the necessary changes, (i.e., deal with the underlying emotional issues) that translate into sustained new behaviors, we may gradually rebuild trust and repair the relationship. Otherwise we will continue living in the magical enchantment with a person who can’t be trusted and who betrays us. This is just an act of giving up our self to stay with an immature partner.
Source: University of “Hard Knocks”
