Emotional abandonment is one of the silent killers of relationships. Its anthem is an ice cold, white noise that is ultimately impossible to compartmentalize. Its color is the darkness of a deep hole. Its smell one of a deserted coal mine. A partner can provide money for rent/mortgage, gifts for Valentine’s, put you on their…
Thomas Merton once wrote, “Love is, in fact, an intensification of life, a completeness, a fullness, a wholeness of life.” We use the word “love” so often these days. In many ways, it has become a tongue-in-cheek expression of endearment rather than a genuine characteristic of a healthy society. This is not the case for every one…
I have worked with Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) throughout my professional career as a therapist and I am an Adult Child. Today, I want to offer adult children and those who love them a positive message … a message of hope. Adult children are typically sensitive folks, sensitive to the feelings of others, loyal, humble…
After the initial parabola of passion, infidelity can be a crashing into a particular kind of hell. A roller-coaster ride that burns our heart. Infidelity scalds us with guilt and grief in the after-shock of transcendent bliss. In virtually every marriage code in virtually every society, infidelity is unequivocally prohibited. In a lot of places…
We live in a culture that is skeptical and talks cynically about love relationships as if it can be compartmentalized into a neat and unchanging … static life. Best-selling books with titles like, “Getting the Love You Want,” mirror a fast-food culture where love and relationships are commodities that can be ordered, gotten, or kept. We use…
If you are in a love relationship, prepare for the hard truth: at some point the honeymoon … those “in love” feelings will fade away. This because “Romantic” love usually does not last forever. But creating a conscious relationship can. Love relationships are not indestructible. I know because I’ve killed many. We cannot kill a…
Many of us struggle with Validation and/or Validating others because we have a “Fear of Difference.” The fear comes from: The belief that there is a RIGHT way of seeing, describing, understanding, and valuing everything – i.e what is going on. The limited capacity to be aware that others are different, or to respect, appreciate, or…
Our society is in the midst of an emotional meltdown. We are restless, irritable, fearful, frustrated and our tempers are about to blow. None of this is how we want our lives to be, but our pressure cooker society has pushed us to the emotional limit. We deserve relief from getting tormented by daily stress. …
The “shadow” is a psychological term for everything we cannot see in ourselves. The shadow side are essential aspects of our personality that we have learned to hide or suppress in order to protect ourselves. I understood how important knowing my shadow was when I began my journey in 12-step recovery and again in my clinical…