Being Dialogical is a shared exchange between two people. Through Dialogue we share with another. In parallel Monologues both people are talking/sharing and no one is listening. In Monologues the goal is competing, winning, controlling, dominating and the outcome is usually conflict and polarization. In Dialogue and being Dialogical both people take turns talking and listening with curiosity and without judgment. The outcome is connecting and vibrant energy.
Three Characteristics of Being Dialogical
(Probably at its simplest, it is “delight in sharing differences.”)*
- A comfortable belief that there is no right way of seeing things. “All people make sense,” in their view. All people disagree all the time at some level of detail. You can either share this or keep it secret.” “You can be right or in Relationship. Take your pick.”
- The capacity to be delighted when people display they are different. Talking and listening with each other until a disagreement appears, and then talking and listening more actively, carefully, and with more pleasure. “Eager, durable curiosity about differences.”
- The reliable tendency to admire, respect, encourage, and protect people when they share their differences.
Dialogical and Decision Making
In a Dialogical orientation, the focus is on “how the two people or group will proceed from this point of time.” It is assumed that people have disagreed both before and will continue to disagree after the decision about how to proceed is made. The focus is on a Win-Win solution. I win AND you win. Each person senses that they obtained the best they could given the needs of the partner or group. A Dialogical orientation is rooted in Empathic connection.
Source *Imago community as a Whole.
