Let’s be real. Let’s be real. Let’s be real. It is clear that our current paradigm of relationships is not working. We are masking our feelings, emotions and desires and attacking one another as a way to cope with our fears and covering up feelings of vulnerability. For some of us the break-down of the current paradigm has led us to satisfying different needs — not love, but fear and numb, icy rage—obsessively, relentlessly and perpetually.
There is nothing wrong with you!
Our current paradigm of relationships has us searching for new ways to fight our partner and defend ourselves. This only creates self-absorption and mistrustful truncated versions of what relationships should be. Our current relational paradigm has us using phrases like, “finding oneself, finding your passion, loving yourself so you can love others.” But it’s nonsensical to think of our Self in isolation. The “I” exists only in relation to some other. In African spirituality this statement rings true—“I am because we are, and because we are I am.”
Here’s the Good news!
The current paradigm of relationship is breaking down. We not only see this breakdown in our romantic relationships, we also see it at work. The breakdown is propelling us to move beyond strategies that lead to dysfunction—destroying the things and people we love most. Sustainable, thriving, mature relationships require more than a solipsistic, pathological surface gaze at the ways we act-out and act-up when we don’t get what we want. The road to maturity in the new relational paradigm is the transition from an unconscious to conscious relationship.
So what exactly is a Conscious Relationship?
A conscious relationship is a romantic relationship in which both partners feel committed to a sense of purpose and that purpose is growth, i.e., individual growth and collective growth as a couple. Growth that makes the world a better place. Most people get into relationships to satisfy their own personal personal needs. Although this might work for a few years eventually the relationship fails us, and we end up dissatisfied as a result.
However, if you’re someone who feels called to take your experience of romantic love to the next level, below are four qualities that characterize what being a conscious couple is all about: Welcome to the path of the Conscious Relationship. This is next-level romantic love …
1. The conscious couple is not attached to the outcome of the relationship – growth comes first.
Not being attached to the outcome of the relationship does not mean you don’t care what happens! It also doesn’t mean that you don’t have fantasies about how the relationship will turn out. What it means is: you’re more committed to the experience of growth than you are to making the relationship “work.”
The reality is, we’re here to grow. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. When growth stops, we automatically feel like something’s gone wrong. Because it has. Without growth, we aren’t fulfilling our soul’s purpose. Unfortunately, relationships today tend to stifle growth more than enhance it. This is one of the main reasons we’re failing at romantic love.
The conscious couple values growth more than anything else because they know this is the secret to keeping the relationship alive. Even though growth is scary (because it takes us into the unknown), the couple is willing to strive towards expansion. Because of this, the relationship maintains a natural feeling of aliveness, and love between the couple does, too.
2. Each person in the relationship is committed to owning and taking responsibility for their s#*t.
Conscious couples know that we all have wounds come from the past, and they understand that these wounds will inevitably be triggered, especially in a relationship. In other words, they expect to feel abandoned, trapped, rejected, lonely, insecure overlooked, smoothed, afraid and any other shitty feeling that arises when we bond closely with another person.
Most of us still believe that relationships should only feel good, and when bad feelings surface, something has gone terribly wrong. What we fail to see in this situation is that these shitty feelings stem from our own faulty patterning! These issues are not caused by our partners; they’re caused by our beliefs. The conscious couple is willing to look at their past and current issues in relationships because they know that by facing these beliefs systems, they can evolve into a new relationship-reality. Dysfunctional patterns will dissolve, but only when we take responsibility for them, first.
3. All feelings are welcome and no internal process is condemned. In a conscious relationship, there’s room to feel anything. Not only that, there’s room to express those feelings and fantasies to your partner. This is edgy territory… it’s not easy to do. But it’s also one of the most healing things we can experience in a partnership
It’s rare to be completely honest about who you are, and to stretch yourself to let your partner do the same. You may not like what you hear; in fact, it may trigger the hell out of you. But you’re willing to be triggered if it means your partner can be authentic.
The only option is radical honesty: revealing parts of ourselves that are hard to share, and letting our partners do the same. This leads to feeling known, seen and truly understood — a combination that will automatically enhance your love.
4. The relationship is a place to practice love.
Love, ultimately, is a practice. A practice of acceptance; being present, forgiveness, and stretching your heart into vulnerable 
territories. Sometimes we treat love like it’s a destination. We want that peak feeling all the time, and when it’s not there, we’re not satisfied with what the relationship has become. In my mind, this is missing the whole point of love.
Love is a journey and an exploration. It’s showing up for all varied nuances of your relationship and asking yourself, What would love do here?” The answer will be different every time, and because of this, you’ll get to grow in ways you never have before!
The conscious couple is fiercely committed to being the embodiment of love. And through their devotion and practice, love shows up in their lives and relationship in ways they would’ve never imagined before.
If this information has any value to you can email me to be placed on my mailing list: imagopaula@gmail.com
In Peace,
Paula
