The more we become willing to communicate and ask for what we want the more we are capable of “Loving Out Loud.”
I remember when it first happened. I’d been married eleven months and had been up most of the night worrying about school and all the money I was borrowing to pursue a career that would eventually help to solidify my calling as a healer of relationships and writer. I climbed into bed and looked at my spouse sleeping peacefully, her pink mask over her eyes and arm stretched out waiting for me.
Moonlight was shining through a thin crack in our black out curtains and I could see her face clearly. I felt blessed by my Higher Power that she was there, but I was aware of a strange feeling at the same time. I could take comfort in the familiarity of her face and body, but I couldn’t feel her essence. It felt like being in bed with a stranger.
We were connected in many ways. I was at “Home” in my spirit. Yet in that moment, I knew that we were drifting apart without even realizing it. Lying quietly next to her, I also understood that we needed to find out why and do something sooner (rather than later) to heal that separation.
I had no way of knowing that the odd feeling of being close and so far away could happen, and then happen repeatedly in the life we were leading together. I didn’t realize when our love was new that no matter how committed we were, the intimacy and closeness would wax and wane.
I began to understand something that I wish I’d known at the beginning of our relationship. Falling in love is easy. Staying in love, now that’s the hard part. Learning to commit more deeply when love hesitates is another subject. That’s a constant skill that partners in an intimate relationship need in order to sustain the magnificent intimacy they created when love was new.
Sometimes it seems as though I’ve been married to several different women, but they are all the same person. I’m sure my spouse feels she’s had many partners too. Each time we’ve been in danger of drifting apart, we’ve communicated and recommitted to being in love and learning to love in a new way. To do that, we must repeatedly rekindled our relationship while simultaneously experiencing new and separate personal transformations. It’s working.
We have separate emotional and spiritual lives and a divine third (our relationship) that brings us closer together. Through the years of therapy, pursuing the same career, intense searching for the wisdom of others and our commitment to choose to delight in our differences, we have continuously returned to Loving Out Loud.
Empathy, kindness, and non-judgment dissolve fear and shame. You’re safe. Let’s connect!
Book a strategy session with me. imagopaula@gmail.com
