It is a common misunderstanding that to make a marriage last, we need to do our individual work and our partner has to do their individual work. This way we won’t need anything from each other, we appear strong, and we avoid disappointment.
Let me tell you where I stand on this, personally.
I once believed that if I was clear about “who I was,” took care of myself, and didn’t show my vulnerability (and God forbid my partners showed their vulnerability), then the relationships would last. I was taught to be self-sufficient and not “need” anything from anyone.
I have coached couples who felt the same way. They didn’t want to or were afraid to “need anything or express their needs” to their partners because they felt “too vulnerable.” Or they told me that their partners would use their vulnerability against them in moments of conflict.
So when problems surfaced in the marriage, they just focused on their own individual paths. However, that “didn’t help them in their relationship because they didn’t know how to collaborate and learn from each other.”
Around that time I began feeling a sense of URGENCY to do – a workshop on couple intimacy, something that I felt would offer them an affordable, practical “first step,” to help them get closer instead of pulling them apart and at the same time, allow them to experience the power of feeling safe in connection.
Inspired by what couples were telling me, I developed a private 6-week course and 12 couples enrolled, and it shifted their marriage in the direction of loving connection rather than fight, flee or freeze.
By following an incredibly effective step-by-step program with a daily ritual, they came to know more about their wonderful adventure as a couple.
I truly believe that if you don’t know how to reconnect with your partner after a rupture – your marriage will take a hit, because every time you disagree, you will end up judging and analyzing each other to make your point.
And worst of all: You will miss an amazing opportunity to learn how to live “feeling felt” by someone who knows you, who wants to connect with you and who has your best interest in mind.
Since so many of my clients are delighted about this new way of being together – in some cases for the first time in a long time – I want to offer it to you in an All New Free Training:
“Loving Out Loud: 5-Steps to Unlocking Couples’ Unending Potential for Connection and Relaxed Joyfulness”
=====>>>Ask me for the link to this webinar
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Here’s a peek at what we covered:
- The 5 biggest distractions that keep couples disconnected and distant … and easy remedies for these.
- How to get beyond the “My Partner Needs to Change” blues – and understand that you are now 2 people relating … 2 people responsible for the relationship … 2 people charged with bringing love, care, kindness and compassion to each other.
- Exactly how to be a “Couple” and bring out the very best in each other.
- The #1 secret to fulfilling your “wildest pushing the envelop dreams,” especially when you go into catastrophic tailspins.
- Simple shifts that make the difference between a marriage where you feel like roommates and one where you harvest the sweet fruit of connection and creativity.
All those couples are moving on soon because what we did together and what they learned is so portable, they are integrating the new skills into their daily lives.
I want couples to learn this method as quickly as possible so you can be in your life (not in my office or on your computer with me).
So make some plans to join us!
Wishing you love & light,
Paula M. Smith M.Div., MFT
Certified Imago Therapist
Couples Coach
401-782-7899
