Good communication is the foundation of successful relationships. This is also true in both our personal and professional lives. More than telling our partners how much we love them, we also communicate non-verbally. Have you ever noticed how someone is feeling without their ever saying a word? When I was growing up, I noticed immediately when adults were having a bad day. They would be looking down or away from me when I spoke to them. They’d roll their eyes when I asked a question. I was extremely uncomfortable, but it was very clear to stay out of the way or else!
# Making Communication More Effective
#Nonverbal Communication
Body language, which includes eye contact, facial expressions, tone of voice and posture, also expresses what we think and feel. I can tell when someone is enjoying my company. I sense it. They smile, or they may nod there heads in agreement with what I’m saying. When connecting with our partners, it’s much easier to express what we are feeling and build a healthier connection if we use appropriate body language. A lot of times, what we say and what our bodies show others are two different things. When this happens, the other person may be receiving mixed messages, which can be a recipe for conflict.
#Eye contact & facial expressions
Eye contact with our partner is what attracted us to them in the first place. However, men tend to build relationships shoulder to shoulder, while women tend to do so face to face. Women are more likely to show they are paying attention by looking into your eyes, but there are men who are more comfortable talking on the phone, sitting in the car or on the couch next to you.
Therefore women, when he looks away when you’re talking, HE IS LISTENING; it’s just that at times he feels more comfortable looking in another direction than directly into your eyes. Men are great at eye contact. Some just need to be reminded in this area.
I find myself saying this to the men I coach: “The next time you find yourself in a conversation that isn’t going well, don’t forget to look into her eyes; she may be tearful. If you’re not sure about her facial expression–don’t ignore it or make any assumptions. Ask her what she is feeling and your conversation will go much more smoothly.”
#It’s Not What You Say, It’s How You Say It
Successful communication requires paying attention to how our partners hear us. We can learn important lessons from this.
So, the next time you are having a conversation with your partner notice: Is your tone angry, sarcastic, frustrated? Are you speaking in a loud or soft voice? Are you making eye contact? Are you speaking too quickly? Do you have a love language?
