Over the weekend I spoke with a friend who really wants to be in a relationship, but often finds herself in a lot of passionate but stormy relationships. She is attractive and tends to believe that her sexuality is all she has to offer. But once she’s slept with someone, she feels she’s satisfied her end of the bargain and her emotional needs become overwhelming. The minute her partner goes home or to work, she is texting him to find out about the next time they are going to get together. At the smallest hint of reluctance or distance from a man, she cries, becomes hysterical and then refuses to see him again.
My friend’s pain inspired me to reflect on being a single adult. I have compassion because I, too, was once a single adult who longed to find and keep love. But I found myself unaware of my expectations and behavior with regard to relationships. I wanted to be intimate with others before I understood what intimacy really was-and before I learned how to be intimate with myself. I was baffled that, even though I surrounded myself with a number of potential partners, I would find myself telling friends that there’s no one out there, and that I was never going to meet the right person.
I meet a lot of single people who focus on perfecting their outside appearance so that they can deal with the scrutiny of the dating/mating game, while their inner selves go unexamined and ignored. They want to find the perfect partner, get married and then think about how to be happily married. Many reject possible partners, finding them flawed in one way or another, not realizing that they too have shortcomings.
Fear, shyness, ambivalence and past dating disasters can also stop us from pursuing our dream of finding lasting love. I’ve heard and have a deep appreciation for the painful, horrific stories of rejection, embarrassment and even danger that single individuals experience while seeking a mate. It is certainly understandable why some people give up on their search, believing that the next time won’t be different from the last-feeling like they may be better off alone. And yet, most of us still harbor the dream of finding a lasting love relationship.
However, research shows that 50% of those who marry before examining and unpacking childhood baggage, or before getting relationship training, are destined to return to being single the hard way-via divorce.
Your task: PREPARE!Your most basic relationship is with yourself. Educating and changing yourself is your path to preparing for the moment your partner arrives.
My approach to relationship coaching, education & training includes helping you:
- Understand your partner choice
- Know yourself better
- Change the behaviors and character defenses keeping you from the love you find
- Understand what relationships are really all about
Skype ID: imago714
Twitter: iamlove714
