Many of us struggle with Validation and/or Validating others because we have a “Fear of Difference.” The fear comes from: The belief that there is a RIGHT way of seeing, describing, understanding, and valuing everything – i.e what is going on. The limited capacity to be aware that others are different, or to respect, appreciate, or…
I have recently gotten engaged after 4 years together with my boyfriend. I am happy, but I’ve found certain things that I think are inappropriate in a relationship. I’ve heard his voicemails and some have been other women. I don’t usually jump to conclusions, but now that I am engaged, I seem to take the…
The word anger comes from the Latin “angere,” means “to strangle.” Defined, anger is a strong sense of displeasure and antagonism that arises when a need isn’t met or an expectation isn’t fulfilled. What typically gets us angry is being treated unfairly, manipulatively or with disrespect, especially if it’s intentional. Also feeling unappreciated, feeling threatened,…
The “shadow” is a psychological term for everything we cannot see in ourselves. The shadow side are essential aspects of our personality that we have learned to hide or suppress in order to protect ourselves. I understood how important knowing my shadow was when I began my journey in 12-step recovery and again in my clinical…
Merry Christmas Friends! Many times the way forward is to look back, to read and study the wisdom of prophetic leaders whose brilliance opens us to the limitless possibilities and potentialties that reside within and between us. On Christmas day nearly a half-century ago, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. stood before his congregation at Ebenezer…
It’s challenging to learn new talking and listening boundaries in recovery. In fact, it’s evolutionary. Our efforts to learn how to talk and listen to the people we want to be intimate is generally interrupted by internal signals within that get transmitted to us from our past. Many of us read these signals as we…
Relationships are baffling. The baffling part is how we can both love and hate the person we love the most. I remember when Yael and I started dating I was baffled by the strange reversals of some of our dates. I remember the date would start out full of excitement, curiosity and passion and end…
A lot of heterosexual relationships go off the deep end because partners are engaging in vicious interpersonal battles out of a mystification with love, co-creating a relational atmosphere of sadomasochistic intimate terrorism … instead of real love. One of the dangers of patriarchy for men and women is blind obedience, i.e., never questioning what is…