Married just over a year and already she felt the marriage slipping away. Now anxiety and suspicion was permeating a relationship that felt unbendable, let alone unbreakable. The solitary act of denying her sexual requests was uncomfortable, and it set her off something inside her like nothing she had ever imagined. A sexual request her husband made shocked her and in an instant, it was as though she didn’t know her husband at all.
The tension in their relationship was palpable and she could feel self-esteem was collapsing.
Based on her husband’s request, she felt that she was either not young enough, not attractive enough or just not enough … period. But instead of asking him these questions, the detective within was unleashed. And what she discovered was a dismal picture that looked like her husband was either cheating, confused about his own sexuality or addicted to pornography. No matter how she looked at it, she deeply longed for love, affection and sex with her husband. One day, she said to him, “You know even a cactus needs watering.”
She said the look on his face after she said that made her feel like someone was reaching into her chest and squeezing her heart and lungs with gripping force.
One day, they were on a bike ride when she asked him to stop for a few minute minutes. Once they stopped, her eyes locked onto his face because she was expecting him to lie, but like most people, his expressions tell the truth. She proceeded to ask him if he was cheating, confused or if he would rather watch porn than be with her. He denied all three. In her frustration, she snapped at him, “Well, the only other explanation it would be is sexual abuse, but I know that’s not it.”
When he look at her, his face looked as if someone had reached into his chest and was squeezing his heart. He asked her, “who told you?”
