Have you ever wondered what prompts couples to give up on their marriage? While there are certain events that can push a marriage over the edge many couples are successfully able to weather a lousy marriage for a long time. Other than infidelity, I have observed that therapy is often the cause for one spouse to throw in the towel and give up. No, I am not referring to bad marriage therapy that often sounds like a screaming match behind closed doors, though that also does its share of damage. I am talking about the effect individual therapy can have on a marriage.
Here is one example I have heard over the years from more than one couple:“We’ve been married 20 years and it has been pretty bad, but now I have no desire to work on the relationship and I am ready for divorce.” They went together for years of bad marriage counseling that didn’t help, yet they still stayed together.
What changed now? “A few years ago I started seeing an individual therapist…” she begins. The wife was told by her therapist that it would be better to work with her privately and “fix” her personal problems than it would be to work together on her marriage with the husband. The therapist even asked the husband what he would like his wife to work on.
This method was a disaster. Click here to continue reading.
